


I should've been there

by Jackofspades2, RF1999



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-12-12 02:28:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11727615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackofspades2/pseuds/Jackofspades2, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RF1999/pseuds/RF1999
Summary: Nicole has been trying to help Waverly cope with the loss of her sister and her insecurities about who her real family is but things keep getting worse. No one seems to understand why Nicole is so worried until the possession comes to light, who will save Nicole in the aftermath?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Wynonna Earp  
> Comments are appreciated, be kind this is my first fanfic  
> Be aware there is non-consensual content and brief mentions of domestic abuse

No one seemed to notice how Nicole had started coming into work favoring her left side, sporting twice as much coffee each morning, and keeping a far less squared away appearance than usual. She had asked Wynonna last week if she noticed any changes in Waverly but her girlfriend's sister was furious. Wynonna claimed that Nicole was trying to control Waverly just like Champ had. After the encounter she tried to push the worry down not ever wanting to be compared to such a pig. Ignoring her instincts did nothing to solve the problem though because not even a day after that conversation she came home to see her front door unlocked with Waverly inside her bedroom waiting, a devious, dark look in her eyes. Nicole had wanted to talk more than anything about what Wynonna had said but her girlfriend had other things in mind. She tried to tell her that it wasn't the right time, they had things to discuss but Waverly's insistent kissing as she shoved Nicole onto the floor, silenced and stunned her. The redhead loved the feeling of being with Waverly more than breathing but this was something different entirely. She couldn't discern whether the rough, painful kissing was something that had changed in her girlfriend or whether it was simply her way of coping with what had ensued over the past couple of months.  
The hardest part of giving Waverly whatever she needed was the saying no when it became too violent. When Nicole would be withering in pain, not pleasure, as her girlfriend had her way with her there would be times when she felt like her real lover had come back to her. Waverly would be in the middle of screaming insults at the taller girl, randomly in the middle of a heated kiss, when suddenly she would look down at Nicole's cowering form with nothing but confusion in her eyes. The shorter girl couldn't understand what had caused her girlfriend's tear stained cheeks but she would feel at fault. In these moments Nicole would cover any of the unwelcome bites or bruises so as not to startle her Waverly further and they would simply hold one another, the redhead pretending the tears were caused from a tough case at work.  
Nicole became more of a skeleton than anything else after a while. She felt too guilty to eat, thinking somehow this mess with Waverly was all her fault. Nedley would insist that she ate with him on their lunch breaks, she could tell he was worried but she didn't have enough energy to console him. That isn't to say her intimate moments with Waverly will always painful, it usually started off as something so kind and meaningful with 'I love you's' whispered back and forth in between loving eyes. However, it always felt like someone would come in and flip a light switch in the middle of these moments because the shorter girl's demeanor would change in an instant. bringing all of Nicole's fears and insecurities with it.  
When they finally figured out that Waverly had been possessed, when the whole incident had been resolved, Nicole was relieved but also extremely weary. Walking out of the barn that night, both Earp sisters had noticed the deputy's silence. They looked at one another then back to Nicole when they realized she was sporting a heavy limp, tired eyes, and a broken posture. Despite their victory, she looked defeated. As Wynonna went to crack a joke in the silence Nicole fell to her knees, flinching as Waverly approached her to assess the situation. In the moonlight it became very clear to Wynonna what had transpired under Waverly's possession even if her sister remained clueless, the bruises and the hopelessness in her friend had all been left untreated because she refused to see what was right in front of her eyes. She fell onto her hands and knees beside Nicole trying to muster the words for how guilty she felt. Instead she put a hand over Nicole's, waiting for her to make eye contact before telling her, "I should've been there."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the work of RF 1999, we will alternate on each chapter from here on.

The overwhelming feeling of exhaustion over took Nicole as she collapsed. The last words she hears is Wynonna telling her “I should have been there.”

Waverly watches from a few feet away, as Nicole collapses. She cant shake a weird feeling in her chest that something was extremely wrong. Nicole had flinched away from her when she approached as if she expected Waverly to hit her. She doesn’t understand why, and she doesn’t understand what Wynonna means by “I should have been there”.

Dolls witnessing the collapse and overwhelmed with a sudden concern for the young officer, runs to pick her side to pick her up in attempt to get her in the truck so they can go to a hospital. But the second Dolls tries to put his arms around Nicole’s body, she goes into an almost frenzied state, screaming and kicking and begging him not to hurt her.

Wynonna, Dolls, and Waverly watch as the frightened officer scurries away and curls into a ball on the side of the barn wall. She is shaking and they are almost at a lost of what to do.

Waverly takes a slow step forward, thinking that she could be the one to calm her girlfriend. But the movement of her approaching the already petrified girl, made it worse. Wynonna reaches out to quickly grab Waverly’s wrist to prevent her from going any further. “Don’t” Wynonna whispers as tears slowly brim in her eyes but do not fall. Wynonna is filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt because to her this is her fault. Nicole came to Wynonna asking her if she noticed anything was different about Waverly. And she immediately brushed her off instead of trying to understand what she meant. Now the young officer lies on the floor in front of her scared, traumatized and hurt. And she will never be able to forgive herself for that.

Waverly is confused and hurt by Wynonna’s action. How could she stop her from trying to help her girlfriend? However, the look in Wynonna’s says it all, and somehow, she realizes that what’s happening is her fault, even if she doesn’t know how or why.

Wynonna slowly bends down so that she is eye level, with Nicole. She moves in a way so she doesn’t startle the girl. “Hey, Nicole honey.” Whispers Wynonna. “It’s okay, we’re not trying to hurt you, we just want to help you, okay?” Nicole eyes, quickly shift between Wynonna, Dolls and Waverly, nervous and uncertain. “Are you hurt?” whispers Wynonna. Nicole only responds with a slow nod. “Well we just want to help, so you don't hurt anymore.” Nicole is still very unsure. “Can you tell me where it hurts.” Nicole opens her mouth to speak but quickly shuts as she looks at Waverly, the fear once again slowly. Wynonna understanding the hesitation turns to Waverly. “I think you should go.” Says Wynonna. “What!? I can’t leave, look at her. I have to help her.” Argues Waverly. “Trust me. Please” Wynonna pleads looking into Waverly’s eyes. Sighing Waverly turns around and heads towards the truck and drives back to the homestead, combing through her memories trying to remember what had happened over the past few weeks that could have caused this.

As Waverly walks away, Dolls and Wynonna can see the noticeable difference and calm that goes over Nicole’s body. Wynonna still down by Nicole’s level asks her again, “Nicole, sweetie, I need you to tell me where it hurts so we can help, please.” Slowly mustering the courage to speak now that Waverly is gone, “My head, my chest, my stomach, my leg and umm…” she manages to whisper through teary eyes and a croaked voice. Wynonna senses the hesitation in Nicole’s voice. “It’s okay you can tell us.” Coos Wynonna. “And down there”, Nicole gets out before she starts to cry, felling ashamed and overwhelmed.

Wynonna and Dolls are shocked by Nicole’s admission. But the need to get her to the hospital was now even greater. “Can I approach you?” “yes,” replies a hesitant voice. Wynonna slowly makes her way to sit next to Nicole, “I know you are hurt but we really need to get you checked out, will you let us help you?” “Yes, okay. Just please don't tell Waverly, I don't want her to know.” Nodding, Wynonna stands up to head back to the car, noticing Nicole hasn’t moved she turns around and looks down at her. “Can you walk?” The silence that follows is more than enough of an answer to he and Dolls. Slowly, Nicole turns to Dolls and in small voice asks, “Can you carry me, please? I promise I won’t freak out this time, you just caught me off guard.” Dolls picks up Nicole, and carries her to the car, putting her in the back seat. Nicole lays with her head in Wynonna’s lap while Dolls drives them to the hospital. It’s a quiet drive, but as Wynonna moves her hand through Nicole’s hair, she still can’t push passed the thought that she should have been there.


	3. Chapter 3

The only thing Wynonna could seem to focus on as Dolls sped to the hospital was the guilt she felt for disregarding her friend. She was so consumed by these thoughts she almost didn't hear Nicole speak. "It's not your fault Earp," she said, pain evident in her voice. "I refused to see what was right in front of me Nicole," Wynonna argued with her, "you're in this bind because of me."   
At this point Nicole rolled into a sitting position, despite the Earp's protests and her own agonizing injuries, in order to look at Wynonna face to face. "I don't know if I am going to have the strength to make this argument more than once so listen carefully. What happened to me is not your fault. It is not Waverly's fault. We all just wanted to help her grieve in our own way. I still love Waverly but the things that demon did to me before losing its hold on your sister, they won't just disappear. I am afraid, yes, but as long as you Earps will have me you are my family. Baby steps from here on out, okay?" Nicole concluded, finding a watery eyed Wynonna staring back at her. The Earp hesitantly reached her hand out until she received a nod, squeezing her friend's hand lightly with the simple reassurance that, "you'll always be family to me Haughtstuff." This light hearted sentiment caused Nicole to laugh but that laughter quickly turned into a spastic cough. It went on for little more than a minute when Dolls parked the car and opened the door to carry the officer inside the hospital. "You're one of the good ones Haught, I know you'll pull through this," he told her before the hospital staff ushered her away.   
"Shit," Wynonna said after they had taken Nicole away, "someone needs to be at the homestead with Waverly." "I already texted Gus," Dolls replied quickly, shooting Wynonna a reassuring smile.   
They sat in the waiting room until a disheveled nurse came out asking for Nicole Haught's family, "Can either one of you calm her down? I need to treat her but if she refuses to calm herself I will have to sedate her." The woman spoke unapologetically with an impatient edge to her words that made Wynonna's blood boil. She agreed to come back and help only to see Nicole shivering violently in the bed, curled up inside herself with tears falling down her face like a dam had just been broken. Wynonna approached her slowly, whispering soft nothing to the officer in an attempt to bring her back to reality. When she had calmed down enough Wynonna brought Nicole's chin up gently until they made eye contact. "This nurse needs to examine you honey, I'll be right here but you have to let her help you okay?" The Earp said waiting for the nod, noticing that Nicole visibly relaxed when she remained at her side.   
When the nurse resumed her examination, the hospital gown made everything much more accessible to the eyes. The hollowed skin littered with bruises and the reaction elicited from her patient early concerned the nurse. Innocently enough she asked her patient's companion if the police should be called in about this situation. Both girls visibly tensed before the redhead vehemently opposed the idea, screaming that there was no one to blame, that the circumstances were too hard to understand. Any attempt to calm her down was futile, eventually her body gave into the exhaustion and she passed out from the stress of it all. The brunette at her side looking relieved and worried simultaneously.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is all RF1999

While Nicole was unconscious the nurse was able to give her a full examination. The list of injuries were extensive. She had a mild concussion, a few cracked ribs, bruising all over her torso, arms and legs, a slightly dislocated hip and malnutrition. When Nicole finally came to, she saw that Wynonna had fallen asleep in the chair next to her hospital bed, her head leaning forward faced down on the side of the mattress, while her hand held on to Nicole’s. Outside the room Nicole could see Dolls leaning against the wall, hesitant about entering the room for fear of causing Nicole to panic again. “Dolls, come in and sit down, it’s okay” she whispers so not to wake Wynonna. Dolls slowly enters the room and sits in the chair on the other side of the bed.

Dolls looks at Nicole and runs through her list of injuries in her head. He can’t help but berate himself. How could he not notice? He is a special agent for Christ sake, how could he not have noticed was going on? In his mind, he replays the past few weeks. He knows he recognizes the subtle changes in Nicole’s behavior, the way she wasn’t so talkative anymore, and how she stopped getting involved in BBD cases and how absent her eyes started to become. He noticed all of these, but he never put the pieces together and he never even thought to ask her about it. Maybe if he did, he could have done something to help her and Waverly.

Nicole notices as tears begin to well up in Dolls’ eyes. As she was about to ask him what was wrong, a nurse came back into the room. “Good evening, officer Haught. I hope you had a good rest. We have one more test we need to complete before we can decide how we should proceed with your care.” Nicole was very confused because she assumed all the tests had been done while she was out. “What kind of test?” inquires Haught. “Your friend here informed us that you were feeling some discomfort in some private areas, and we didn’t want to examine there without your consent, we don't want to make you uncomfortable.”

Hearing all the noises Wynonna stirs awake, as she hears Nicole asks “You want to do a rape kit?” hearing the distress in her voice Wynonna squeezes Nicole’s hand in a show of comfort. “I don't need one. I just need you to help me with my ribs so I can breathe without it hurting.” “Ma’am, I know this is uncomfortable for you, but I really think you should, just in case. You don't have to do anything with the results, but you should have them just in case.”

Nicole knew what the nurse was implying. She wanted her to do the kit, in case she decided to press charges. She understands the nurse’s concern, and in another circumstance, she would have done it, but she knows that the person that attacked her wasn’t Waverly. It was the demon. It used Waverly’s body as a host and it was the demon that did those horrible things to her. And you can’t really bring a demon to trial, let alone one who is already in hell. So no, Nicole did not want a rape kit done. “I don't want it.” Seethed Nicole. “okay.” Sighed the nurse. “But if you change your mind you can let anyone of the staff know and we’ll do it.” With that the nurse left the room.

As the nurse leaves the room, she sees Dolls and Wyn staring at each other, engaged in some kind of silent conversation. “What!?” exclaims Nicole. Both of them look at her and Wynonna says “I think you should get the test.” “What? Why? I don't need it, I don't plan on-” “We know you don’t” interrupts Dolls, “but we think you should, just to see what damage is there just to be safe.” Nicole begins to argue with them, but finally she decides to do it, for the sake of her health. And Wynonna and Dolls are there to support her and hold her hand throughout the whole exam. Later when the results comeback, they are relieved to know that there is only some bruising, that should go away with in two weeks, along with the discomfort. “At least I don't have some kind of demon STD.” jokes Nicole. And for the first time in the past few days they were able to crack a smile.

However, that smile doesn’t last long as Nicole says “I want to see her, I want to see Waverly.”  
\---------------------  
Back at the homestead Waverly was laying in her bed running over what she witnessed in the ranch in her head. The image of Nicole terrified and fragile wouldn’t leave her head. She keeps running over the last few weeks in her head. But there are so many gaps in her memory, she realizes that it must have been every time “it” took over. It must be. It’s the only way to explain how she hasn’t recognized something horrible was happening to her girlfriend.  
As she runs through her memories, she remembers somethings. She remembers their first time together. She remembers every touch, every kiss, everything they said and did. But in those memories, is where she has the most gaps, and that is what scared her the most about this situation because it means that “it” had taken over. If it had taken over when they made love, then who knows what “it” had done to her Nicole.

The thought of all the possible things runs through her head and a wave of guilt and hatred consumes her whole body, causing her to let out a heart wrenching sob. She tries to reason to herself that it wasn’t her that hurt Nicole. But she still can’t shake the fact that it was still her body, her hands that caused Nicole’s pain. “I should have fought harder”, Waverly says to herself. “I should have done better.”

Waverly continues to cry, almost crying herself to sleep, when she hears her phone go off. She sees that there is a message from Wynonna that says “Nicole, wants to see you.” The message makes Waverly start to cry again. Why would Nicole want to see her? After all she has done? Another message comes through “Please come see her, Nicole just wants to talk to you. She doesn’t blame you.” The message doesn’t make Waverly feel any better. Because of course Nicole, wouldn’t blame her, but she should. Waverly, finally manages to stop crying, and drives to the hospital, with a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Gus sat at the kitchen table of the homestead, listening to Waverly's cries and knowing any hope of comforting her would be futile. Dolls had sent her a text after ages of mindlessly listening to her niece's painful sobs, alerting her to the fact that Nicole was up and wanted Waverly to be there. Gus was impressed by the officer's chivalry, even now, knowing it was likely much too soon to see her girlfriend but did not want her to deal with any guilt alone.   
Waverly scurried down the stairs and drove to the hospital with determination and inkling of dread before hesitating at the entrance, guilt and sadness filled her body in anticipation. Wynonna sat on a bench outside the hospital, giving Nicole and Dolls time to talk while watching out for her sister. She could sense the desire to flee as soon as Waverly got to the sliding doors. She approached her slowly, gathering the younger Earp into her arms.   
They comforted each other silently before Wynonna debriefed Waverly on the speech Nicole had given her about their inevitable guilt. "Has anything come back to you yet baby girl," she asked after the explanation.   
"There are bits and pieces but there are mostly times where Nicole and I are being ... intimate. And then all of a sudden I don't remember what happened next. I know she is hurt right now because of me though," Waverly responds with a sigh. Wynonna slaps her on her upper arm playfully but with a sternness behind it, "Waves did you not here a thing I just said? Haughtpants knows you are not at fault in this situation, she truly believes none of us are she just really wants all of our help to recover. She isn't one to ask for much either so that's really saying something."   
Waverly nods slowly, finally a look of understanding in her eyes.   
They walk into Nicole's room where Doc has joined Dolls and both men are talking intently to the officer. They stand up and move aside when the sisters enter. "You girls deserve some alone time," Doc says as they move towards the exit, tipping his hat habitually as he places it back on his head. Waverly is in shock at seeing her girlfriend so fragile. "Nic," she says, slowly walking towards the redhead. Nicole has a small welcoming smile plastered on her face but Wynonna knows there is also fear hidden in her eyes.   
"I know what you said about us feeling guilty but I want you to know I am still sorry but that's because I care. I love you and obviously hurting the people you love is just awful," Waverly rambles on until Nicole reaches her hand out while nodding her head in understanding. The smaller girl takes her hand but jumps back suddenly as if she's touched a hot stove.   
She backs up with a blank expression on her face. "I remember," she repeats to herself several times, "I remember what I did. I remember what the demon did to you." "Hey," Nicole says with force after Waverly starts to tear up and retreat I to herself, "snap out of it baby. That wasn't you. That wasn't your fault." The shorter girl finally sinks to the chair next to her girlfriend's bed but is still reeling in the sudden memories.


	6. Chapter 6

The images began flashing through Waverly’s head. All the punches, bites and kicks her girlfriend received at her hands. All the mean hurtful things her voice said when Nicole wanted to stop. All the times Nicole begged her to slow down, or told her that she was in pain or uncomfortable. All the times Nicole whimper in pain, but the demon in her made her keep going. The memories hit her like a freight train and Waverly couldn’t take it. As she sits in the chair Waverly begins to hyperventilate as the memories keep rushing in and replaying over and over in her head.

Nicole gets frightened at her girlfriends still state. “ Waves” says Nicole as she tries to get out of bed to go to her girlfriend. “Waves, baby please snap out of it, come back to me, please.” Begs Nicole. Nicole begins to panic and ultimately ends up screaming at Waverly, begging her to come back, for fear that she will pass out from hyperventilating for too long.

Nicole is still hooked up to the heart monitor machines, and the sudden increase in her pulse causes concern as nurses rush into her room, fearing something medically is going wrong. The sudden commotion grabs the attention of Wynonna, Dolls, and Doc, and they too begin running into Nicole’s hospital room. When they get to the room they are shocked by what they see. Nicole is out of her bed trying to pull IVs out of her arm, to get close to Waverly as some nurses try to pull Nicole back into bed while another nurse tries to get Waverly to calm down. Wynonna is the first to enter the room and immediately approaches her sister and kneels in front of her. “Hey, baby girl”. Whispers Wynonna. “You need to try and calm down” Nothing changes. “Please I need you to try and catch your breath.” Waverly’s eyes suddenly go back to their normal state, back to reality, but her breathing is still erratic. “Baby girl, please. Nicole is trying to get out of bed, and I need you to calm down so she can get back in bed so she doesn’t hurt herself.” Waverly’s eyes shift towards Nicole’s direction as she sees her still struggling and arguing with nurses. “You don't want her to hurt herself, again do you?” softly asks Wynonna. Waverly finally manages to gain enough control if her body to shake her head at her sister’s question. “Okay, so come on. You can do this.” Wynonna moves to sit in a chair next to her sister. She puts her hand over Waverly’s chest, and takes Waverly’s hand to put over her chest. “good job babygirl, now I need you to follow me, okay. Breathe in 1,2 breathe out 1,2.” It’s a slow change but it is there as Waverly’s breathing begins to slow down.

Noticing that her girlfriend’s breathing is becoming less dangerous, Nicole gets back into bed, much to the relief of the nurses. After what seems like an hour, Waverly’s breathing goes back to normal. But there is now an absent, distant look in her eyes. The look scares Wynonna, because she isn’t sure of what she should do next. But then Waverly says something, however it is too quiet for anyone to pick up on what she says, even Wynonna who is right next to her. “What was that?” inquires Wynonna. “How could you let me do those things to you? Those awful things Nicole. I don't get it, you knew something was off, but you… how could you… why would you let me do that? Goodness Nicole.” Waverly ponders out loud.

Nicole opens her mouth to answer the question but hesitates, “Can we have the room please?” asks Nicole. Waverly immediately argues against the idea. She doesn’t want to be alone with Nicole. She doesn’t trust her body, she can’t. “Please, let them stay, I don't want to hurt you,” Waverly begs. Nicole sighs because she only wants Waverly to hear what she has to say, but she understands it might be better for everyone to hear why she didn’t say anything.

“Waverly, I knew something was different. I knew something was off about you and the way your behavior changed but I don't think any of you will ever fully understand why I didn't press the issue harder. Before Purgatory I had been on my own for a long time, I had to leave behind a homophobic, unstable family-one where abuse wasn't uncommon." At this everyone in the room visibly flinches at the news but Nicole presses on, "I knew what they were doing wasn't right but when it came to you Waves, the circumstances were completely different. Your entire life had changed in a little less than a year and I just told myself it was finally catching up to you. I asked Wynonna about your behavior without mentioning specifics but it only seemed to confirm my theory that you were just in a rough patch. You can call me weak for not defending myself but I knew I couldn't lose you, there was too much at stake. Wynonna, Doc, and Dolls are the only real friends I have had in a long time and Waverly, you are the only person who has ever seen me with such loving eyes regardless of any disagreement we could have. You all are the family I never had and I could not bear to lose it."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone I am back. I finally managed some free time to write this chapter and I'm really sorry about the wait. I just started college like 2 weeks ago and I'm already deep in work and assignments. But any ways thanks for reading. Any comments and suggestions are welcomed, and appreciated. And I'll try to update more regularly. I promise.

At her admission they all understood why Nicole hadn't said anything to them. But it hurt them all to know that she had to go through all those horrible thing before anyone noticed.

No one except Waverly knew that Nicole wasn't in good terms with her parents. But at that bit of knowledge of her unhappy childhoodd they all looked at each other and in a silent vow agreed that nothing like this would ever happen to one of them ever again. Earp or not they were all a family and nothing bad is ever going to happen to their family again if they could help it.

Later that day the nurses had told Nicole that she would be allowed to go home in the morning. She was ecstatic, she couldn't wait to go back home and she her cat. She missed calamity Jane and wanted her back from Nedly. Everyone except waverly left her hospital room that night so they could prepare the homestead for Nicole to stay at while she fully recovers.

In the hospital Waverly managed to squeeze into the hospital bed next to Nicole, finally being able to fall asleep with her arms around her. She was still unsure of her self, but Nicole still trusted her. Waverly was tired after being up for so many days. She kept having nightmares/ flash backs of those nights. She talked about them with Nicole and they were slowly but surely refiguring out how to navigate and recover from this. 

 

As Waverly lay asleep around her, Nicole couldn't sleep. Not because of she was scared of her girlfriend, she managed to recover fully from that after many talks and therapy sessions through the hospital. She couldn't sleep because Nicole was contemplating everything that wynonna/ goononna and gooverly said to her. And she is scared that now waverly will hate her and ultimately leave her. 

 

Nicole can still hear the words running through her head. "She’s dying under the weight of your expectations." from goononna. She keeps telling her self that it wasn't wynonna talking it was the demon just as she feels herself that it wasn't Waverly who hurt her. But she still couldn't shake the fact that somewhere in there that wynonna really meant it. 

Nicole was used to her fair Share of expectations. Well in her case too high expectations. Her family always expected the best and nothing less from her since she was a child. And she was. From school to sports to dance to instruments, everything Nicole did was done to the expectations set by her parents and as unhappy as she was Nicole was she let it go because once again it was expected of her. 

So when Nicole's parents found out their daughter was gay. You would think that with all the things Nicole has accomplished in her life her parents would still love and expect her. But that did not happen, imagine how disappointed her parents were because there once perfect daughter no longer fit and will never meet their expectations. All the time Nicole spent meeting the expectations of her parents now meant nothing to them. 

After being kicked out of her house at 15 Nicole learned to live and survive on her own. She put herself through high school, college and the police department all at the top of her class. 

Life for Nicole became easier as the time went on because she learned at a young age to not expect anything of anyone.

Nicole loves waverly. She hasn't told her yet but she does. And it scares Nicole to think that maybe she has put waverly on a mental pedestal that will inevitably cause waverly to hate her and leave her. And Nicole doesn't know what she would do if waverly left her. She loves her too much. 

She doesn't mean to but Nicole starts to cry, at first its a silent cry but soon she a sob racks through her body causing Waverly to wake up. "Hey, baby what's wrong? Do you want me to move?" Waverly asks, fearing her being close to Nicole was causing her distress. "No, please stay" whispers Nicole as she turns her body into Waverly's chest so that her head is buried in her chest, with Waverly's arm wrapped around her tightly. "Please don't leave me. I don't know what I'll do with out you. But please don't go. I know we've been through a lot but please. I cant......"

Waverly kisses Nicole's forehead, lifts her chin so her eyes are looking directly into hers. "Hey, hey, hey. I will never leave you." Declares Waverly. "I lo.... I couldn't do it. I thought you wouldn't want me around anymore, but you do, and I want to be here. I'm not going anywhere Nicole. Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere." Nicole nods as she continues to cry into Waverly's chest, but managing to calm down. Soon she manages to cry herself to sleep, but the last things she here's is Waverly say "As long as you want me, I will be by your side."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any suggestions, corrections, comments are welcome. Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I’ve been meaning to update but college and lack of free time has gotten in the way.

Earlier the next morning Nicole was being discharged from the hospital. She was grateful to be going home. Well, to the homestead not necessarily her home. She couldn’t wait to get back to a familiar space and to cuddle with Waverly again with out worry about falling off the bed. 

As Nicole sat in the car ride from the hospital, Dolls was driving and waverly was in the back seat with her while wynonna and doc made sure the house was ready for her arrival.

The ride felt a bit longer than she had expected. But finally they arrive home. “Hey, haughtsuff!!” wynonna greets off the front porch of the homestead. “ welcome back home, me and doc tried to make you some food but it didn’t really work out that well.” 

“It’s No problem Wynonna but thank you” Nicole states as she’s helped out of the car. In all honesty she was quite happy the meal wynonna managed to conjure up was already declared inedible. After all she just came back from the hospital and doesn’t really fancy going back so soon. “ I just want to sleep if that’s okay.” Finishes Nicole as she grabs Waverly’s hand and they walk into the house. She was beginning to feel tired from the medication the doctor gave her to help with the pain her ribs. 

As they walked into the homestead and up the stairs towards Waverly’s room, Nicole begins to feel Waverly’s uneasiness. She knows it’s because waverly still hasn’t forgiven herself nor does she completely trust her self to be alone with Nicole, especially in the place where all the bad things happened. They both enter the room and sit on the bed. 

“Hey” whispers Nicole as she reaches to gently push a few strands of hair out of Waverly’s face. “Are we okay?” 

“Uhh... um...Yea, why do wouldn’t we be?” Stutters Waverly’s. 

“I’m just worried about you. And about us”. Nicole states. “I know you said we were okay but every time we’re alone together, I feel you hesitating and... I don’t know it’s like you’re always second guessing yourself around me. And I don’t want it to be like this. I just want things to go back to how they were. 

“I know that,” whispers waverly. “ I know you want things back to normal with us, and I know I said we were okay. And we are... it just that no matter how i think about, even if it’s not my fault, it was still my body, my hands, my legs that caused those bruises on your beautiful skin.” Waverly stammers as tears begin to well up in her eyes. “It was my body that forced you to do things that you didn’t want to do, that touched you with out your consent. There is nothing that I can do that will change that and I will never forgive myself .” Waverly turns to look into Nicole’s eyes. “ Nicole, I need you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. And I am so sorry that wasn’t able to be strong enough to stop it. I’m so, so sorry” states waverly as her body begins to collapse and sob under the weight of her grief. 

Nicole manages to calm waverly down a little before she began to hyperventilate. She didn’t say anything because she knew words would be waste right now and regardless of what she said, waverly wouldn’t believe her until she learned to forgive herself. Instead the two just laid down on the bed and slowly fell asleep, facing each other, legs intertwined waverly’s face tucked under Nicole’s chin with her arm wrapped around the others waist.

Down stairs the wynonna, doc and dolls, sitting around the kitchen table, were also deep in there guilt as well, Wynonna especially. “She came to me you know.

“What?” Inquires doc. 

“Nicole came to me. She said... she knew something was off with waverly but I didn’t listen to her” wynonna answered, ashamed of herself. 

“She told you. And what you ignored her” doc says accusingly. 

“No... no, I didn’t ignore...” began wynonna as she was immediately cut off by doc “So what, you just didn’t believe her. How could you do that to her?!” Yells doc, starting to get emotional. “That girl has done nothing but try to help you from day one, even when you were shit to her and you didn’t listen when she said something was wrong because of what exactly because I don’t understand?!” 

“I ...” “Before I went into that well, do you know how many times I say women get beaten and sexually assaulted ?!? Do you have ANY idea what that does to a person? I’ve witnessed people who once had the life of the town in there eyes turn into broken souls because of this. And it could’ve been stopped. JUST LIKE BEFORE, THIS COULDVE BEEN STOPPED IF ONLY SOMEONE DECIDED TO LISTEN!!!!” Doc screams. “You could’ve prevented this, if only you’d decided to listen.” With that Doc storms out of the house furious with wynonna and also himself. To him, wynonna could’ve have prevented this, but he should’ve connected the dots when he saw the diminished look in Nicole’s eyes. He tells him self that he should’ve been able to notice the look. After all he has seen it many time before. 

Dolls continues to sit around the table across the table form wynonna silent and still almost catatonic. He keeps running through the changes in Nicole in his mind. He also noticed the changes in her behavior he just never managed to put the pieces together. As a trained agent, Dolls tells himself he should’ve and could’ve done better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, critiques and suggestions are all welcomed. Thanks for reading.


End file.
